i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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