Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
