She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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