why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
