I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
