you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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