I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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