I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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