so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
