Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
