Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My ass is underappreciated
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
