you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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