I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
