Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
