I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
