How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
