What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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