the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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