And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
