Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
