I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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