Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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