you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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