We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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