shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
