Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
