apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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