I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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