Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think people are normalizing furries
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
