I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
