If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
