she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
