If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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