Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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