you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
