True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
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I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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