Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
