This girl is more easily done than said...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
