i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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