you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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