nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Randomize
