So drunk, too bad you don't want this
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
