Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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