So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
