i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
