There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
