i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
