I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
