Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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