He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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