ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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