You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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