I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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