I CAN MOONWALK!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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