For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
