i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
