hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
