Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
