Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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