I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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