I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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