The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
40s are totally the cure
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
