i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
