dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
