Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
