I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
