dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
