i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
