I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
