my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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