The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
