i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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