WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
