i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
