New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
