I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
