she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
