please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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