Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
