Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This house was built for laser tag.
birth control should be required to get into college
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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