I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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