Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
