I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
