You smell like stripper and shame
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
